A Meditation

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14


This is my prayer, but God, I am sinful...how is it possible to please You? My heart is deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9). Nothing good dwells in me (Romans 7:18). Everyone falls short of your glory (Romans 3:23).


Thoughts of doubt and discouragement invade my mind like a thick fog enveloping the trees of a forest shrouded in darkness. As I wander through the woods, the dead leaves crunch beneath the weight of my feet.

What's that?


A bird screeches as it soars away from the limb of the tree where it was perched and off into the night sky. The sky is dark now. There is no moon, no clouds, the only light tonight is from the stars: tiny dots millions of miles away in the universe...far away. 


I know what it's like to feel far away. Alone. Lost. Helpless. Hopeless.


But Your voice calls to me through the darkness.


Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine! Isaiah 43:1


I raise my eyes to the sky and through the fog I can see the promises of another dawn.


Even the darkness is not dark to You, and the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You. Psalm 139:12


It's still dark but I know that the light is coming.


I am not alone.


He Himself has said, "I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you," so that we may confidently say, "The Lord is my helper, what will man do to me?" Hebrews 13:5b-6


I am not lost.


Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Psalm 119:105


I am not helpless.


My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. Psalm 121:2


I am not hopeless.


My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him. Psalm 62:5


You hold the universe in Your hand. You are transcendent--beyond everything--and yet at the same time You are imminent--infinitely near. You are bigger than the darkness and bigger than all of my doubts and fears. Help me to trust in You. Help me to die to self that I may experience true life in You.


I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me. Galatians 2:20


Amen.

Epic Adventure Update: Alaska, Cliff Jumping, and Sky Diving

Last summer I was offered the incredible opportunity to work at a camp in central Alaska. It was a blast but also riddled with challenges in different ways. Hopefully more details on the Alaska time later. During the team-building activity time at camp, one of the things that we challenged the kids to do is to face their fears. Sometimes fear is healthy and can keep someone from making poor choices, but more often it seems like fear is something that paralyzes us when we need to step out and act. Courage is choosing to do the right thing even in the face of fear. 2 Timothy 1:7 says that, "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind" (NKJV). I love this verse because it is a reminder that the power of God is bigger than fear and He gives that to us, along with a spirit of love and a sound mind.

Hiking in Denali National Park in Alaska

If you really believe something, it's going to change how you live. In order to teach myself to overcome fear, I've done things that force me to confront my fears and to act in spite of them. Among other things, I have a fear of heights. This past semester, I went cliff jumping and sky diving for the first times in my life. When I went cliff jumping, I jumped off a 30-footer into the water of the Colorado River near Squaw Lake. Sky diving entailed jumping from a plane at 10,000 feet and plummeting toward the good ground of San Diego. Honestly I think cliff jumping scared me more than sky diving. Both were definitely awesome though. I don't think there is a greater feeling on earth than knowing the freedom of overcoming fear. I'm out of steam already but I'll leave you with a quote from the Lion King: "I laugh in the face of danger. AHAHAHA!"